Santa is on his way back to the North Pole following a pre-Christmas Eve vacation which was directed by Mrs. Claus. She sent him alone, wanting him out of the house and workshop so that things she could get things done that were necessary before Christmas. If he was home, she wouldn’t be able to get all of her Christmas baking done since he would want to help which would result in a big mess in the kitchen. Not only that, but he would eat his weight in sweets, likely not being able to fit in the sleigh or, for that matter, being too heavy for lift off. The Chief Elf was also pleased, for it gave him the ability to have his staff get all the presents ready for shipment. If Santa were there, he’d be asking way too many questions plus he would probably break a few toys while playing with them. Santa is, after all, a very big kid at heart and nothing or no one will ever change that.
Santa will admit, however, that he enjoyed his vacation. He likes to go to the same places each year and is now a regular at each stop. His first stop was for lobster, feasting in both Bar Harbor, Maine and Gloucester, Massachusetts. He enjoyed cracking them and picking the sweet meat piping hot right out of the boiling pot with drawn butter and a nice bottle of stout beer. From there, he headed south to the Chesapeake, enjoying succulent jimmies, the big male blue crabs that are meaty and so delicious. He enjoyed them in both Maryland and Virginia, first at Crisfield and then at Deltaville. Rumor has it that while in the area he also enjoyed a seasonal favorite on the north shore of the Potomac, St. Mary’s stuffed ham and oysters. He ate too much but not to worry, for his next two stops were for exercise and what could be better than either for what he intended.
Firing up his team of reindeer who were also using the trip for some in-flight refresher training, he eyed from above as he headed south over those beautiful exposed sand bars known as the Outer Banks and landed on the beach. While there he surfed the rough waters and, unbeknownst to most, Santa “ain’t bad” on a surfboard. He has good balance and coordination and rode the waves successfully, then walked his reindeer along the beach to get used to the sand before hitching them up for some touch and go landings. The landings were done on Portsmouth Island which is uninhabited, for he didn’t want any spectators to get in the way of his work, but he then went back to Nags Head to spend the night while the reindeer were housed in an empty barn courtesy of a small horse ranch.
His next stop was Myrtle Beach where he played four rounds of golf with a few business types with whom he does business. While his elves produce many of his products, some of the latest creations come from American toy manufacturers and Santa’s seal of approval means great success. The old boy is creative and more with the times than most of us knew and he gets a good deal on electronics and mechanical gadgetry so it is a win-win for all.
Now Santa is just a little bit naughty, but even Mrs. Claus just laughs and forgives him, for one of his favorite stops for last and it might surprise some when I say Old Santa has quite the eye for the pretty girls. But it’s all in good fun, he likes to flirt with them a bit and pose for pictures, but it’s all harmless. So, what better place to go than the beaches of Florida, culminating in a stop at South Beach. The girls love him and make over him and he basks in the sunshine and the glow of his fame at this, his time of year. But after a day or two, he knew it was time to head home so, after a photo op of having his sleigh pulled by dolphins while the reindeer are grazing in rich grass, he hitched Rudolph and the others and bid adieu to the warm sunshine and headed back to the frozen tundra of the North Pole.
What will he find when he gets there? Mrs. Claus will be waiting for him with a wonderful pot roast and a hot toddy to warm his spirits. He will gaze in the workshop, and all will be in neat order and all the toys and other gifts will be packed for shipment with a complete itemized list of the order of delivery in a notebook on his desk. He will be tanned and fit and ready to go, so he can relax knowing that when the big night arrives, all is in great shape thanks to his great staff and his adoring wife. No one could have it better. Oh, and he will carry a sack of Mrs. Claus’ treats for his long night ahead. And what about the rest of us? Are we ready? If not, consider this a warning, for we can’t have Christmas unless we all do our work. Just “GITTERDONE” and then we can have some fun.